My Mom's a Legend

I was thinking the other day about my mom and what a legend she is. My mom was born and raised in the stereotypical small town. It would make you think that a person who was born, raised, and spent her entire adult life in a town the size of less than 3000 people wouldn't be a person of real consequence, but when you work in a place where the entire population must visit you, you're kind of famous. You see, my grandfather owned a small grocery store and my mother worked there from the time that she was a very small child.She later grew up and worked in the only grocery store in town for 30 years.

The majority of the townspeople came in to shop and it was a much more personal experience back then. The customers would often spend quite a bit of time in the store getting their groceries. They would talk about their families, and the person behind the check stand would know the majority of what was going on in the customers life simply based on what was bought. The people of the town watched my mom grow up, get married, become a widow, get married again, and retire.

So my mom, among other amazing things that people will talk about until they die, has come up with some of the most amazing Halloween costumes, but there was an April Fools Day Prank that was the stuff of legend. It even fooled me. It was the greatest prank I think I have ever seen, and I have no idea if I will ever top it, but I certainly would like to steal it and use it here someday.

Dresses aren't as popular as they used to be, but probably one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a woman who is wearing a dress is to get it caught in her pantyhose (which also aren't worn as much now). Although, despite the lack of popularity for dresses and pantyhose, women are still forced to wear them on occasion, so picture this:

you go to the bathroom while you are at an event, you do your business, and when you're done you struggle to pull up the pantyhose, snap 'em in place and smooth down the front of your dress. You wash your hands, give yourself a quick once over in front of the mirror and you walk out of the restroom. After about 5 minutes someone comes up to you and whispers in your ear not to move. You begin to panic, is it a spider? a snake? is there a fire? what's wrong? That person, usually another woman, reaches over and tugs on the back of your dress, and then it hits you...you've been walking around with the bottom of your dress tucked into the elastic waste band of your pantyhose and showing off your greatest "assets" to the entire world! How utterly horrifying! And the best or worst part about the whole situation, depending on your standpoint, is that everyone who sees it becomes embarrassed too! Faces redden, pulses quicken, hands tremble, and nervous laughter is suppressed.

Another embarrassing moment for women and public restrooms is the toilet paper debacle. Now, this can happen in a variety of ways: with the toilet paper or the toilet seat cover getting stuck in the back of your underwear, pantyhose, or pants and trailing out the back for the world to see.

Well, my mom, the genius, combined two of the most embarrassing moments a woman could have with the job she grew up doing, being a grocery checker. For April Fool's Day one year my mom wore a long dress to work. She wore shorts and put pantyhose over them. She took a small roll of toilet paper and tucked it into the back of the shorts and let 3 or 4 squares hang out of the back. Then she tucked the end of the dress into the back of her pantyhose, and went to work...Then the uproar ensued!

She had people yanking on the back of her dress, trying to quietly come into her check stand and pull off the toilet paper, people whispering and outright laughing as soon as they walked into the store. She even had a few customers who could not speak English trying to help her, and yes, she even got me; I came into the store, my face immediately turned red, I hurried up behind her in the check stand while she was waiting on a customer and whispered in her ear that I had to pull her dress down. And what did she do to repay my kindness? She laughed and said, "It's April Fools Day!"

My mom's a legend for so many more amazing and important things than this, but there is no one in this world who knows her that would argue that my mom is indeed a legend.

I love you mom!