Ciggarettes and Chocolate Milk

I have recently fallen in love with this song. I think it's because Rufus sings about some of his human failings. And boy oh boy have I got failings! So, if you want me to do something tell me I can't. Go ahead, I dare you! If I do something, I dive in. I'm not a luke-warm entity. If I take on a project it gets done in more than likely an over-the-top manner. If I believe in something, that's it. End of discussion. Hard-headed has been used in reference to me many times. Some of these attributes may seem like good things, but I apply them to whatever I'm doing, so when I was younger and partied and did drugs, it was to excess. When I am angry it is easily turns to fury. When I love it is for a lifetime, and sometimes that's not always good. When I am injured I don't forgive.

I would like to think at my age, 41 this Friday, that I would be better at balance and moderation, but I'm not. When do you actually grow up? I don't know. I don't feel grown up. I'm a mother of 2 adult children and a grandmother, and yet I don't feel like I have any attributes of any stereotypes of any of those things.

I am a senior in college, and at my age you would think well, she doesn't have much time left to begin a career and get established, so she probably has a solid idea of what she is going to do when she graduates. Uh, nope. I have entertained ideas of grad school, but I am really burned out. I have thought about just getting a teaching certificate after I graduate, but that requires more school. I've thought about becoming a radio personality, but who knows if at my age I could break into that business. I've thought about staying home and being a writer, but I don't really know what I want to write. I know my husband would let me just be a housewife if I wanted, but I'm didn't get the domestic gene. I want to change the world, I have no idea how, and I am tired! I stop and think how sad I am that I am this old and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

For all of you who have your life all figured out, and know the secret would you share it with me? And in the meantime...

When you read these types of pathetic little rants,like Rufus says, please excuse me if I'm a mess...

On Parenting

Well,
As a former teen-parent I've decided to change my Senior Research project to studying and comparing and contrasting the communication patterns of teen parents versus adult-parents. I honestly believe that there can be some real positives for the kids of teen-parents when they reach adolescence and young adulthood.

My kids and I have a very relaxed communication system with each other, and while much of the research I've seen states that a relaxed parent-child communication structure is not necessarily good for the kids when it comes to authority, I believe that my kids and I communicate about more of the intimate details of their lives than most parents ever find out in a lifetime of talking to, or rather at, their kids.

I acknowledge that I have a fairly unique situation with my kids, but I do not think that all kids who are raised by teen parents grow up to be deadbeats. One of my kids served a year in Iraq as a medic, and is now a college student, and the other is beginning Cosmetology school. I know that I am not the only teen-parent of adult-children whose kids have decided to seek higher education.

I'm not saying, "run right out there kids and get knocked up," but there are some positives concerning the parent-child relationship simply due to a lack of a generation gap. I know that there are some things that my kids tell me that they wouldn't have willingly shared with parents they didn't feel could understand exactly where they are at in life.

Those moments when my kids let me into their lives are some of the most precious gifts I have ever received.

I can't wait to see where this research takes me.

My Heart Soars When I Hear Jason