Ciggarettes and Chocolate Milk

I have recently fallen in love with this song. I think it's because Rufus sings about some of his human failings. And boy oh boy have I got failings! So, if you want me to do something tell me I can't. Go ahead, I dare you! If I do something, I dive in. I'm not a luke-warm entity. If I take on a project it gets done in more than likely an over-the-top manner. If I believe in something, that's it. End of discussion. Hard-headed has been used in reference to me many times. Some of these attributes may seem like good things, but I apply them to whatever I'm doing, so when I was younger and partied and did drugs, it was to excess. When I am angry it is easily turns to fury. When I love it is for a lifetime, and sometimes that's not always good. When I am injured I don't forgive.

I would like to think at my age, 41 this Friday, that I would be better at balance and moderation, but I'm not. When do you actually grow up? I don't know. I don't feel grown up. I'm a mother of 2 adult children and a grandmother, and yet I don't feel like I have any attributes of any stereotypes of any of those things.

I am a senior in college, and at my age you would think well, she doesn't have much time left to begin a career and get established, so she probably has a solid idea of what she is going to do when she graduates. Uh, nope. I have entertained ideas of grad school, but I am really burned out. I have thought about just getting a teaching certificate after I graduate, but that requires more school. I've thought about becoming a radio personality, but who knows if at my age I could break into that business. I've thought about staying home and being a writer, but I don't really know what I want to write. I know my husband would let me just be a housewife if I wanted, but I'm didn't get the domestic gene. I want to change the world, I have no idea how, and I am tired! I stop and think how sad I am that I am this old and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

For all of you who have your life all figured out, and know the secret would you share it with me? And in the meantime...

When you read these types of pathetic little rants,like Rufus says, please excuse me if I'm a mess...